Hello? Yes, I'm calling about our interview today.
Now it should only take an hour, that is, if you don't mind,
And we're working on our voice synergy so excuse me if it rhymes.
Now remind me again sir,
Tell me what is your name,
Tell me about that job you want,
And tell me why you came,
So, early to the app,
We love to see go-getters,
But your eagerness is making us think you got no one better
And we're picky,
Sorry if you don't amount,
Cause I'm sure you want our ten buck wage,
In your bank account.
And no you will not get a letter,
If you get rejected,
Because we don't want a lawsuit,
If you see where we are headed,
Down a river of dreams,
If your dreams are my dreams,
No concern for the environment,
Or violence overseas.
Yes we're dog eat dog,
I suggest you play the game,
Pups are licking at my sweat,
Before my standards start to wane.
I just had a lovely breakfast, yes,
No, that can't be right,
I had an internship for lunch.
Now these questions might get personal,
So that we can fuck you over,
I assure you can refuse them,
But your chances might get lowered.
You can be like me,
If you fit my definition,
A spitting image of my son,
With a little more ambition.
We are those guys.
To begin I'll ask you,
What you think you're strongest traits are,
And I'll follow up by asking,
Where you think you could improve.
I'm assuming you have transportation,
To our place of work,
So and say we were to ask you,
Would you want to make a move?
Where do you see yourself,
In twenty-thirty years,
What was your college GPA,
Was it ugly as you feared?
Tell us about a time,
When you handled something tough,
And a time you demonstrated,
When to show a bit of love.
Using one word please describe,
Your general average bladder size,
We want our workers to remain,
Productive for 8 hours a day.
The bar is high I told you so,
Don't think you'll have to duck,
Show me what you're made of
Because quite frankly, I don't give a fart.
Eat this groove, you crazy crows.
Feel the corporation in your bones.
We're out of toner.
Do you want a job?
Making money gets me off.
Enter the machine, produce and consume.
It's almost five, you'll be home soon.
If you were a flower,
What kind of flower would you be,
And if you were a bee,
Could you understand your reasoning?
Why are you passionate about fast food?
Give a nice answer, don't make it rude.
You gotta know how to act,
If you want this job,
Unless your dad's got connections,
You know- with the mob.
released August 11, 2014
all rights reserved